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My Weekend Stars

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Let us, for a moment, set aside the nerd blasphemy of comingling the Stars (that’s Wars and Trek, duh) and discuss what it means to have two of the biggest franchises on the planet, let alone galaxy, be run by one single solitary dude. Now, I like J.J. Abrams as much as the next actions/espionage/lens flare lover. So when news of him taking over Disney’s new Star Wars movies I was, OK with it. His movies are pretty fun. Cool. But then, I thought a little harder. And I was like, wait. He’s also in charge of the new Star Trek franchise. So he’s doing Star Trek and Star Wars? At the same time. And we’re not even mentioning that lesser franchise Mission: Impossible.

Look, I think he’s a good director. I think he has created some interesting universes (Lost, Fringe, Alias…Felicity). But I don’t think it’s healthy for so much of the modern-day vision of pop culture to be controlled by one man. Diversity, for lack of a better word, matters. It matters because the more voices that are allowed to mold our zeitgeist, the more people will feel included in it. Simple concept, hard execution.

I feel the same way about this J.J. Rules the Stars news as I do about the continued push toward conglomeration in everything from our news media, banks and other corporations. More and more things being owned by fewer and fewer people. Because, make no mistake, this is creative conglomeration. And while I may like the particular creative in charge, it doesn’t mean I think he should be in charge of everything.

Why not give someone else a chance? A woman a chance? Any sort of non-white heterosexual male a chance? More voices, even imperfect ones, helps to expand our cultural landscape and could lead to, who knows, the next J.J. Abrams whoever he or she may be.

On a more personal note, the Star Wars movies were my absolute, far far and away favorite movies as a kid. So now that they are in J.J.’s hands, I hope he does well. I mean, he can’t really do worse than the three new movies we shall never speak of. Use the Force to prosper. And don’t fuck with Princess Leia. I mean it, buster. Happy weekend, all.


Naked Lady Monday

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Right, another Monday? No problem-o. Easy peasy. I got this covered. Or should I say uncovered. Nudge nudge, wink wink. Ladies, shall we? Yes, we shall. Let Kerry Washington be our gracious guide. It’s naked time.

Jennifer Aniston
Whenever I look at her being all sexy I think, what would Ross think?

Jennifer Lawrence
I just finished “Catching Fire” (I know, I know – late as usual) and, damn, if I’m not excited for this movie.

Lucy Liu
Elementary indeed, dear Watson.

Jessica Chastain
Fighting terrorism never looked so good.

Marion Cotillard
Contrarty to what Jodie Foster may think, I would totally watch a reality TV show where she makes out with Marion Cotillard.

Beyoncé
Yeah, so she lip synched. She certainly didn’t lip sync that body.

Canadian National Senior Women’s Rugby Team
The team made a sexy calendar to raise funds for its Olympics bid. Well, if it’s for a good cause. Maybe I’ll take a second look.

Total heartthrob

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Hey, are you The Gay? Do you enjoy The Musics? And The Laughters? Have you considered The Alternative Lifestyle Haircuts? And The Cyndi Lauper Cosplay? Then please click play and enjoy this interview of Tegan & Sara by Andy Samberg on what makes a heartthrob. Hint: Not a mullet. Though, Tegan & Sara, let’s be honest - there were mullets. Oh, yes, there were mullets.

Also their latest album “Heartthrob” comes out today. And if you thought Taylor Swift had the market cornered on breakup songs, think again.

Better and better

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Sometimes it is easy to get discouraged. Which makes it all the more important to celebrate the milestones. The end of DADT. The first wins for same-sex marriage at ballot boxes statewide. The first out lesbian senator. The first out bisexual congresswoman. The first mention of gays in a presidential inaugural speech. Things have changed, and for the better. In our time. In front of our eyes. History. It’s pretty cool.

So it’s hard not to get gloaty, or the very least giddy, as more and more walls fall. This week it’s a professional basketball player in the NBA proudly celebrating his two gay moms. And the wife of an female Lt. Colonel being named the Fort Bragg “Military Spouse of the Year.”

In the first case, Denver Nuggets forward Kenneth Faried did a video celebrating his two moms for the same-sex marriage advocacy group OneColorado. This is a sports star saying, “No one can ever tell me I can't have two mothers. Because I really do.” Yeah, giddy.

In the second, Ashley Broadway, the wife of Lt. Col. Heather Mack, was awarded the title “Military Spouse of the Year” for Fort Bragg by Military Spouse magazine. That wouldn’t have happened two years ago. Granted, it took getting named the best military spouse for the base for the official officer’s spouse club to grant her membership. But, undeniably, progress. So, gloaty.

See, it really does get better.

And now, with the president backing immigration rights for same-sex couples, our universal love might be able to cross borders as well. Fingers crossed on that. It’ll be a fight, like everything has been. But one well worth fighting. But first, to gird ourselves, let’s revel in the giddy gloatiness for a bit longer.

The Importance of Being Liz Lemon

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Liz Lemon is no dummy. Sure, she works with an amusing array of them. But she, she was never one. And her smarts, and her celebration of her smarts, is important. She remains one of the precious few female sitcom stars whose status as the smartest person in the room has been her primary definition from the start. You’ve got your Mary Tyler Moores and your Maudes and your Murphy Browns. But most other shows built around a sole female character have allowed some other attribute to shine brighter: strength, beauty, cunning, sassiness, lovelorness, et al. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But to be the smart girl in the room, the nerd at the beautiful people party, well, that matters.

I will miss “30 Rock” for so many reasons. Its humor, intellect, zaniness, nerdiness, metaness, catchphrasecoiningness. (BLERG FOREVER!) But probably most of all I will miss it for allowing Liz Lemon to be so smart, unabashedly so. And despite her flaws and foibles, her capability – to run the show and trust her intellect – was never in question.

The show, like its star, just never played dumb. Zany, absurd, klutzy, awkward and even sometimes muppety? Yes. But stupid, never. And along the way it delivered slyly insightful commentary on the things TV shows rarely provide slyly insightful commentary – liberalism, conservatism, feminism, racism, broadcast TV, white guilt, corporate personhood, product placement, night cheese.

So saying goodbye tonight is hard. Because, while it wasn’t for everyone, “30 Rock” was always for me. I’ve in fact never written this blog without it on the air. I started this blog in April 2006 and Tina Fey started “30 Rock” in October 2006. But I’ll keep going, and I know Tina will keep going. So thanks for seven years of making a place on our TVs for the smartest nerd girls in the room. No, it OK. Don't be cry. We'll always have gone to there together.



p.p.s. Hey, sometimes smart nerd girls get frustrated.

My Weekend Crush

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I can’t. I still just can’t say goodbye to “30 Rock.” So I’ll just saying I’m going out for cigarettes. I’ll be back for dinner. But this weekend still needs its crush. So while I process my loss because the human heart is not properly connected to the human brain, please enjoy Charlie Theron’s new alternative lifestyle haircut. That, and her leather jacket, are certainly taking some of the sting out of last night’s finale. Some. Happy weekend, all.

Bey Bowl

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Right, so I think we all agreed that Beyoncé won the Super Bowl. And then the lights shut themselves off because after seeing that much star power on stage they figured what was the point. But, seriously. It’s hard to think of a performer right now who is more universally liked (momentary presidential lip synching aside) than Beyoncé. I mean it. Think hard. She appeals across genders, races, sexual orientations, ages. Your mom likes Beyoncé. Your grandpa likes Beyoncé. Your 6-year-old niece likes Beyoncé. Football players like Beyoncé. Astrophysicists like Beyoncé. First Ladies of the United States like Beyoncé. Gay boys like Beyoncé. Lesbians like Beyoncé. Sure, she might not be the favorite artist on your iPod, but you will sure as hell make a point to stop and watch her kill it dead if the opportunity arises. And, boy, did it arise. Bold. Bonkers. Bendy. Bouncey. Brilliant. Beyoncé. And we haven’t even talked about that Destiny’s Child mini-reunion. Or her all-female band. Question. Why am I still talking when you could be rewatching Queen Bey?

p.s. If the copyright overlords take down the video, check it out in here.

p.p.s. And then there was this.
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The ABeyCs of Sexy

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Sexy vs. sexism. It’s an interesting and eternal debate spurred today, in part, by some of your comments on my comments on Beyoncé and her fierce as fuck halftime show at the Super Bowl last Sunday. It is a debate that in its various incarnations basically goes: Why did Beyonce dance around in skimpy clothes? But, really, it could be any woman anywhere with Beyoncé as our proxy. Why can’t you just dress more modestly? Which, with all due respect, I have to say – really?

Now I expect this kind of reaction from the more conservative among us. In fact, it already has been aired – ever so predictably – on the heels of Queen Bey’s spiked heeled dominance of the Super Bowl. National Review writer Kathryn Jean Lopez wrote in a piece subtly called “Put a Dress On:”

Why can’t we have a national entertainment moment that does not include a mother gyrating in a black teddy? The priceless moment was Destiny’s Child reuniting to ask that someone “put a ring on it.” As I mentioned on Twitter last night, perhaps that case might be best made in another outfit, perhaps without the crotch grabbing. It seems quite disappointing that Michelle Obama would feel the need to tweet about how “proud” she is of Beyoncé. The woman is talented, has a beautiful voice, and could be a role model. And she is on some levels — on others she is an example of cultural surrender, rather than leadership.

So we can’t be proud of women unless they dress appropriately? Women can’t be good role models if they show off their bodies? Women expressing their sexiness is the surrender of our culture? So I guess we’ll all just put on turtlenecks and ankle-length skirts and tend to the children as intended. Let me get right on that.

But for those making the more feminist argument that a strong women shouldn’t have to show off her body to be a strong women, let’s get into the nuts and bolts of your concern. I agree, women should not HAVE TO show off their bodies to be strong, successful, sexy. No, they should not have to, but they should also be allowed to. And the key question for me in these cases is always choice, intent and control. Who is in control of the imagery? What is the intent of the imagery? Who made the ultimate choice in the use of the imagery? A hot model in a bikini washing a car selling a hamburger is different than a hot performer in a revealing outfit dancing in her self-produced halftime show.

We could argue, ad nauseum, about whether our culture of objectification really allows for a choice at all. If women, even when choosing themselves how to dress, ultimately have a choice because of our commoditization of the female form. And it is true, look only to what I like to consider Beyoncé’s opening act – the Super Bowl itself and its ads – to see women used as objects instead of individuals with their own agency to sell everything from luxury cars to website domains. But I don’t think it’s possible to look at Beyoncé and see a cultural victim.

Beyoncé clearly has control of her own image. Beyoncé clearly decides how she wants that image to be presented. Beyoncé is clearly making her own choice. And what she chose to show at the Super Bowl was a strong, talented, sexy as hell performer in command of every single aspect of herself from her voice to her dance moves to her hair flips and tongue licks and enjoying herself while doing it. While it was sexy, I would actually argue it wasn’t overly sexual. Hell, remember a few years ago when Prince ostensibly stroked his own dick, by way of his guitar, all through halftime? Here Beyoncé was using Beyoncé to sell Beyoncé. And, girl, did it ever work.

Women can chose to dress sexily or women can chose to dress more modestly. Choice is the key. Our choice. We shouldn’t be shamed for whichever choice we make. We should be celebrated. When we look as spectacular as Beyoncé while doing it, a little worship doesn’t hurt either.


Lost and found

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You know those shows where the lesbians just share long, meaningful hugs and rare chaste kisses? Or where the lesbians aren’t really lesbians, despite totally being lesbians. Or there aren’t any lesbians at all, real or imagined? Yeah, “Lost Girl” is not those shows. “Lost Girl” is a show where the gay ladies get it on, a lot. Like Donkey Kong on. Like, thank God I get to recap this show and therefore have an excuse to stare at it for hours while making hundreds of screencaps. I do it for you, internet. For you.

p.s. Yeah, you should totally be watching this show.

Foster the future

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I never thought I’d say this and mean it so sincerely but, thank you, Jenny from the Block. Because I don’t care about the rocks that she’s got, I just care that Jennifer Lopez is producing a new drama for ABC Family that centers around a gay female couple raising a large multi-ethnic family. The show is “The Fosters” and the moms are Teri Polo (from Meet the Parents) and Sherri Saum (from In Treatment). They play police officer Stef Foster and school principal Lena Foster, respectively and their kids will be played by young actors from “Wizards of Waverly Place,” “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” and “Aaron Stone.” I’ve never watched any of those shows but if Tumblr is to be believed folks seem pretty excited about the Waverly Place kid. The newest addition to the family will be a “troubled teen with an abusive past” Callie, played by newcomer Maia Mitchell. She’s the one in the photo who looks like she hates ever second of being in that subway tiled kitchen with its vintage Fiesta wear.

Lots of things make me happy about this news, not the least of which is Teri Polo is wearing her cop uniform in all the pictures. But mostly the fact that this is the first show to center around two moms (and a mixed race couple at that) raising a family is pretty amazing. Granted, it bites at the heels of the pregnant lesbian cliché which we see around sweeps week when writers don’t know what to do with the lesbian characters once they’re done playing softball. But these aren’t women trying to become mothers. These are women who have are raising their teens and tweens and that’s pretty cool. The show was created and being written by two men (one with a pedigree including Queer as Folk), which, fine – I would have preferred female showrunners too, but you can’t have everything I guess. The show goes in production this spring and will begin airing in the summer.

“The Fosters” adds to ABC Family’s inclusive roster, which already include “Pretty Little Liars.” Strange but thankfully true, the channel that began as an extension of ultraconservative homophobe Pat Robertson’s Christian television ministry (yes, really, it really fucking did, is poised to become one of the most diverse channels on TV and help expands our public definition of family.

Also, Teri and Sherri make a really cute couple. I’d join the PTA for them.

My Weekend Glee

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Right, so I said I wouldn’t write about “Glee” until “Glee” gave me a good reason to write about “Glee” again. And last night, well, “Glee” gave me that reason. How do you begin to make amends with the Lesbian Blogging Community? Well, proving Santana is a member of that Lesbian Blogging Community helps. And name checking AfterEllen and Rizzoli & Isles lesbian subtext doesn’t hurt either.

Last night “Glee” broke the fourth wall once more to address the Lesbian Blogging Community, but in a way that neither shamed or insulted us. Instead it acknowledged our existence and by doing so addressed some of our complaints. In fact, they practically followed my good and wise friend Heather’s suggestions for how to get their shit together to a T.

Grovel? Well, Santana declaring has an “out and proud, lipstick loving, AfterEllen-reading girlfriend” means our existence has not gone unnoticed. Bring back Santana? Hell yeah, and by bringing her to New York instead of keeping her a Lima loser (cough, Finn, cough). Extend the same courtesies to your lesbian and gay relationships as you do to your straight ones? Santana kisses Elaine and Brittany – on the lips and everything. Give Santana a girlfriend? Well, sorta – Elaine turned out to be gay for pay and an Ani DiFranco T-shirt. Learn the word “endgame” and apply it to Brittana? Not quite yet, but I still hang on that four-letter word “hope.”

So is all forgiven? Well, no. I mean, I’m not so easy that one shout out to AfterEllen makes everything magically better. But I do appreciate the effort and am thankful for that first step toward reconciliation. We, the collective Lesbian Blogging Community, are an awfully demanding bunch. I should know, I try to please us every day. But I also think we’re by and large fair. So if someone tries to do better, I want to applaud and encourage that. Redemption is a hard and even harder earned. What happens next will make all the difference.

But what else impressed me just as much as the unabashed name drop was the nuanced handling of the Santana-Brittany-Sam love triangle. The entire Lesbian Blogging Community/Brittana fandom wasn’t accused of knee-jerk , not to mention violent, myopia. Instead Santana and Sam were presented as equals, vying for the love of a bisexual woman who was allowed to make her own decision. Sure, we might not be happy with her choice right now. But it wasn’t made because Sam is the boy or lesbian are nutters. Gender wasn’t an issue, just that eternal struggle between the head and the heart. Santana will probably always love Brittany – but she knows she has to move on for now and will do it in that concrete jungle where dreams are made and lesbians live in Tribeca communes.

“Glee” has always been that strange amalgamation of raw heart and self-aware snark. At its best it transcends its silly song and dance with simple truths that help us understand each other a little more. Or be so bitchy you just can’t help but laugh. And when it’s brilliant, it’s brilliant. That moment when you realize who you really are and how hard it will be to show that to the world, “Glee” knows how to do that. When it’s not brilliant, well, we all know what that’s like. While I never expected this show to be perfect, I do demand it keep trying to be better.

And, on a completely shallow note, I can’t help but be thrilled that Santana Lopez has a favorite Rizzoli & Isles Lesbian Subtext Blog. Which means Santana ships Rizzles. And I write Rizzoli & Isles Lesbian Subtext Recaps. Which means, wait, does Santana reads my blog? Fiction/reality, who cares. Everything is gayzzoli – even Brittana – and nothing hurts. Now that Ms. Lopez (and the always amazing Naya Rivera) has moved back in, I’ll be watching on the regular again. Just when I thought I was out, “Glee” pulls me back in. Happy weekend and watching, all.

Ellen DeGrammyres

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So, I’ve stopped watching the Grammys with anything more than the most passing interest for wardrobe malfunctions and lip-synch fails years ago. But yesterday after tuning in briefly and then turning to my good friend The Internet, to see what it thought, I was pleased to see that apparently Ellen DeGeneres won the Grammys. I mean what else can you deduce from these photos but that The Great Panted One and Portia had a ball and looked great doing it. Lesbians, we are in your music awards having all the funs.

Ellen & Beyoncé
This photo makes me wish they were in a Laverne & Shirley style sitcom where they shameel shemozzled schlemiel and schlemazeled down the street together.

Ellen & Adele
Adele wants to see that sitcom, too.

Ellen & Lena Dunham
I like how they’re both trying to pretend skeezy Willy Wonka isn’t standing creepily behind them.

Ellen & Nicole Kidman
Nicole clearly wants to kiss Ellen, but this is the most her face muscles can muster.

Ellen, Portia & Ryan Seacrest
I think Randy’s face says it all.

Ellen, Portia & Katy Perry
Best photo sequence of the Grammys, possibly ever.

Ellen, Portia & Kelly Clarkson
And then best photobomb of the Grammys, possibly every.

I know what Girls want

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I fucking love “Girls.” Both the gender and the TV show. My love for both are intertwined and layered. My love of women, particularly smart creative ones, led me to the show. My love of the show, even its flaws and unflattering bits, deepened my love for women. While it’s certainly not chicken egg – girls, lower case “g,” came way, way, wayyyyy first – they compliment each other in unexpected ways.

So it is with curiosity, commiseration and concern that I watch the backlash and reaction to the show. Which is, in itself, a fascinating look at gender politics and other things someone at some college somewhere is no doubt writing a very wordy thesis about this very second. Criticism of the show, its whiteness and privilege, entitlement and narcissism, have been there since day one and everyone and anyone has weighed in with varying degrees of insight. (James Franco, whatever dude. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, thoughtful perspective, man.) Hell, even all the AfterEllen writers engaged in a spirited more than 60-string long email chain dissection of the show last week.

Now I have no problem with people pointing out some very valid concerns with the show, particularly those about the show’s lack of ethnic diversity. I am all for showing a more inclusive world, I am all for more perspectives and more otherness. Give me more, make it authentic, fuck tokenism. But I am also a realist who knows that no one television show can be all things to all people. Nothing can represent us all, can show every aspect of life’s unending kaleidoscope. So then what I ask, nay demand, is that it does the best it can with its small slice on the wheel.

And with that, that is where I think “Girls” triumphs. Hannah’s experiences may not be yours. And there’s a very good possibility you wouldn’t even want to be her friend, or hang with her friends. She is at once a classic and singular American antihero. Classis in that she is the lead who does bad things and allows her weaknesses to show. Yet singular in that female antiheroes are rare and rarer still are those without violent agency like your Lisbeths or Faiths or even Starbucks. Others far smarter than I have already espoused on Hannah’s unique place in the antihero pantheon, but suffice it to say the female intellectual antihero is a character I could watch all day, every day.

Which brings me to the criticism of “Girls” and its creator Lena Dunham that bothers me the most. The arguments that essentially boil down to this: Where does this young girl who doesn’t deserve it get off? And it’s one that Dunham herself addressed in this week’s sly postcard of an episode, “One Man’s Trash.” The setup, for those who do not watch, was that Hannah meets a handsome, older, successful doctor Joshua, in the form of Patrick Wilson, after he complains about trash from the café where she works being placed in his garbage can. They embark on an unlikely and unexpectedly intimate two-day affair that challenges Hannah’s, and the viewers’, beliefs on happiness and who exactly deserves it.

On a meta level, it’s sadly predictable to see the criticism of the episode which, again, boils down to this: How in the world does fattie Hannah deserve to land hottie Joshua? We have soon conditioned to see blindingly attractive people hook up with equally blindingly attractive people on TV that when a dichotomy emerges we recoil almost instinctively in horror. Wait, let me add an important caveat to that, we recoil when the dichotomy favors the female we believe to be lesser. Other way around and no problem-o. If you think I’m kidding, please witness Kevin James’ entire career. So with this episode you have reviews convinced the whole thing had to be a dream because, bro, no way he wanted to bang her in real life.

One of the things I find most refreshing about “Girls,” aside from its unvarnished look at the self-centered floundering of one’s early twenties, is how it allows Lena Dunham to be naked in every sense possible. Yes, yes – we could have another long discussion about female sexuality and the inequality of exposed flesh in popular culture. Yet it’s almost exciting how Hannah represents the everywoman of nakedness. While she may not be the voice of a generation, one could certainly argue that she is the body of one. More women look like Lena would playing topless ping pong than her co-star super svelte Allison Williams, and that’s just a fact. Yet her very average, very normal body type is seldom shown on TV, let alone allowed to bare itself entirely.

Now, back to the episode itself, which beyond being meta is also a pensive look at our own feelings of self worth, definitions of happiness and trial runs at adulthood. As much as some viewers might think Hannah doesn’t deserve to be – if even fleetingly – with someone like Joshua, neither does Hannah herself. Because for all the grown-up things she thinks she shouldn’t want as a starving artist – “the fruit in the bowl and the fridge and the stuff” – she can’t help but be attracted to the comfortable trappings of domesticity. And she also can’t help but sabotage her own momentary happiness with her shotgun definition of intimacy and exhausting loop of introspection.

And so, it ends – just as quickly and quietly as it began. And I am left, as I often am after 30 minutes of this show, wanting more. More of these strange and often silly and certainly self-indulgent lives. More stories told by women of any and all ages. Of any and all races, sexual orientations, classes, experiences. Because there are far too stories told by women, created by women, run by women on TV in the first place. The world needs more Tina Feys, Shonda Rhimes, Mindy Kalings and, yes, Lena Dunhams. And while we might never all agree on the merits of “Girls,” I hope we at least can all be happy it exists in the first place.

Dance Emergency

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Sometimes a gal just needs to dance it out. And today, today is that day. So whether you’re dancing on your own, or in a packed room, or like nobody is watching, the floor is yours.

Nicki Minaj, “Pound the Alarm”

Crazy? Yes. Crazy fun? Definitely.

M.I.A., “Bad Girls”

Also crazy. Also a good thing.

Ellie Goulding, “Anything Could Happen”

I wanted to hear this song once more before “Glee” ruined it forever.

Robyn, “Call Your Girlfriend”

Even SNL cast members need to dance it out sometimes. And if you don’t think Taran Killam’s choreography is spot-on, check it out for yourself.

Right, now, doesn’t that feel better? And, please, feel free to share your secret dance stash. A gal never knows when she’ll have another dance emergency.

Happy Hiding Under the Porch Day

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Look, I’m no fan of the Greeting Card Industrial Complex. But I am a fan of love. And I am a fan of the occasional good cry. So on this, that most militantly romantic of days, let us all feel the love together through the tears. Remember, even while it may not seem like it sometimes, there are plenty of Dug the Dogs out there in the world. And they have only to meet you to love you. So keep heart and happy Valentine’s Day, kittens. Also, you look very pretty today. I don’t say that enough. But it’s true.


My Weekend Crush

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So finally, finally, finally I had a chance to watch that Swedish import “Kyss Mig.” I’ve wanted to see if forever but a combination of happenstance and limited releases and a little laziness kept me from it until a few weeks ago. I had, despite my tardy viewing, I had diligently declined to read reviews. Because spoilers (Darth Vader is Luke’s father, They were on Earth all along, Soylent Green is people) are the worst. So it was with an open mind and an anxious heart I pressed play. And, to my great relief, what I saw was lovely. Simply lovely.

Certainly the story is nothing terribly new. Two women meet (in this case soon-to-be grown-up stepsisters – OK, that part is a little new) and fall in love. One woman is engaged to a man. Another is an out lesbian. I could make a cheap it’s “Imagine Me & IKEA” joke here. But I’m clearly above that. What I will say is while the tale may be familiar, it’s the journey not the destination that really matters. And the journey this pretty little picture takes us on is one of stolen glances and palpable longing. Of expectations and reality. Of being brave enough to want out loud. Of emotions boiling madly beneath a serene surface. The film feels at once languid and intense. The acting, the cinematography, the score. Everything comes together through the eyes of its beautiful leading ladies ((Ruth Vega Fernandez and Liv Mjönes) to be that most pleasant and unexpected of surprises. A good lesbian movie that was definitely worth the wait. Happy weekend, all.

Madam President

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It’s President’s Day here in the states. And we’ve had a lot of them. Some better, some worse. Some of them great, some of them very much the opposite. All of them men. So, I’m just saying, it’s time. Also, our suits can be so much more colorful. 2016, ladies. Let’s run this mother.


Sweet lady drunken hookups

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Drunken hot girl-on-girl hookups just in time for sweeps week. Sweeeeet. For my SEO, I mean. For us, the viewers? Well, let’s talk about it. So, yes, Quinn and Santana totally did it. Like drunken squeals, naked limbs, tousled hair did it. Like this is what happens when collegiate sexual curiosity meets and an ex dancing within feet of you with some dude who does a terrible Sean Connery impersonation and is mixed liberally with fake IDs and an open bar. And, to be honest, I didn’t really mind it.

And, as long as we’re being honest, we really like it when girls hook up. Don’t lie. We like it. We dream about it. We root for it. We petition for it. We create elaborate fandoms built around it. We really, really like it. Just like you always want the cute girl you just met to be gay, or the celebrity you love to be gay, we want the characters we like to be gay – and gay for each other. We crave having our experiences reflected back to us, for other people to be like us, even if just on screen. So, Quinn and Santana hooking up with was, in concept, A-OK by me. Also, Santana’s exuberant cheer at the prospect of getting to know the last member of the Unholy Trinity in a biblical sense was pretty damn priceless.

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The question then is whether Quinn and Santana hooking up in action was A-OK. And, it was and it wasn’t. Was the way their mutual bonding, drunken flirting and ultimate exploration played out realistically? Yes, yes it very much was. Since we’re on that honesty train, there’s a reason they call alcohol a social lubricant. If you haven’t had a drunken hook-up, it’s probably only because you’ve never been drunk. Which is of course fine. But liquid courage is real thing and mutually enjoyed by both the straight girls who need a reason to drop their inhibitions (along with their drawers) and the gay gals who need a reason to not care that the girls are straight. And Quinn and Satnana have a real history and a real connection that dates back to the first season of the show. They are indeed two ends of the same bitch-goddess spectrum. So, yes, in execution the Great Quintanna Explosion felt authentic.

But then there’s that bit about how it wasn’t. Because as amazing as seeing their post coital bliss and epic sex hair, I wish we weren’t seeing them for sweeps week. Timing, along with size, matters. Look, I’m glad in the great music chairs game of couplehood that is “Glee,” the Valentine’s Day episode gave us four couples bound for the bedroom and half of them were gay. But I’m less happy that the it has to happen on one of the few period a year that TV networks try to pump up ratings to be able to maximize ad rates. The Lesbian Sweeps Kiss has a long and frustrating history stretching form “LA Law” to “Friends” to “Party of Five” to the “The O.C.” to “Heroes” and I could go on.

While the execution on screen doesn’t necessarily scream Sweeps Lesbianism, it none the less falls into the category. And that’s disappointing. Because it is precisely these kinds of unexpected moments that can be the most exciting for us. When we see our own life amplified. Like when a show about a bunch of singing and dancing teenagers in twenthysomething bodies opens up with two cheerleaders talking about sweet lady kisses on top of each other in bed at the beginning of October for no reason other than it just felt right.

p.s. Though, nice touch with Quinn’s badly needed swig of water. ‘Cause a girl can get mighty parched while getting mighty wet. Ahem.

Hot Rod

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How do you solve a problem like Michelle Rodriguez? On the one hand, she’s amazing. Hot, fierce, unwilling to compromise her vision of self for the confines of conventional femininity. On the other hand, she’s perplexing. Protesting, some would say way too much, about how much Mitchie likes sausage and other things that alienate her from her steadfast lesbian and bisexual female fanbase.

So I, like many a gay lady, had the same reaction when that “Fast & Furious 6” trailer came on during the Super Bowl earlier this month. No. 1, Oh, for fuck’s sake, why is there another one of these? And No. 2, oh, fuck, that’s Michelle Rodriguez in a tank top. Then a distant No. 3 was, wait, didn’t her character die? Stripping all sexual politics away, Michelle appeals to lesbians (not all, clearly, but oh so many) on a very basic level. Her toughness, her strength and her absolute smoking hotness in a tank top tap into our communal primal vein.

Which, I think, is why it’s even more disappointing when she’s erratic when we expect her to be empowering. I don’t pretend to know, for 100 percent certain, M-Rod’s sexual orientation. (Though I do have a female friend who swears she hit on her at a party.) Nor do I want to take away her right to, if it is indeed the case, come out on her own terms and in her own time. I just wish, from all of us, that she was as cool at dealing with her queer female fans and their complimentary wishful thinking as she was while kicking ass and wearing a tank top in the movies.

While I have, very proudly, never seen a single “Fast & Furious” movie from start to finish, I will say whenever the movie comes out I plan to search the series of tubes feverishly to see the fight between Michelle and Gina Carano that starts at the 2:23 mark in this trailer.

Shaken, still stirred

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For whatever reason – craziness of a shortened holiday week, fighting off a cold, late February doldrums, alignment of the moon – it has been a very trying week. So yesterday, I put Florence on repeat and shook it out for about 15 minutes. I found it quite cathartic. If you are having a similar kind of week, feel free to boost my self-help remedy. If not, save it for a rainy day.

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