Question: Is there anything Kate McKinnon can’t do? Answer: Nope, nothing. Have a good Monday, y’all.

If you know anything about my love for Pixar movies you’ll now how much this delighted me. Here is a heart-warming clip of the Swedish ending of “Finding Dory.” Um, is this how all movies in Sweden end? If you, my dear Swedish friends, you have been holding out on us.

Kathy Bates giving us that Bruno Mars swagger is the perfect pick me up for a Wednesday. On a related note I now want “Lip Sync Battle” to focus solely on actresses over 60 years old battling each other for lip sync supremacy.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

You look like you need some ladies in nicely tailored suits. So here are some ladies in nicely tailored suits. You are welcome.

Cate Blanchett
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Should we pass a law that Cate can only walk around in her clothes from “Carol” or a tuxedo? Yeah, I think we should.

Letitia Wright
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I want the little sister in “Black Panther” to have her own movie, accompanied – of course – by the all-women Wakandan army.

Lena Headey
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
In another life, Cersei runs away to pursue her love of genealogy at university and starts wearing nice tweeds and turtlenecks.

Rihanna
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I can.not.wait. to see her as one of the eight in “Ocean’s Eight.”

Dame Maggie Smith
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I suddenly want to find out everything I can about, what appears to be, Prof. McGonagall’s past as a well-dressed graduate student at an all-women’s magicians college.

Jessica Chastain
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I need to make an amendment that adds Jessica in the above “Must Wear a Tux” law.

A lot of you have been asking about my position on marijuana. Here it is. pic.twitter.com/iEKLHgClFN

— Cynthia Nixon (@CynthiaNixon) April 11, 2018

Happy 420, Stoners and Friends of Stoners. I’m not necessarily a stoner, but I do believe we should legalize the recreational use of marijuana for adults – just like they’ve done here in California and eight other states. And I believe it should be legalized for some of the very same reasons Cynthia Nixon describes here. Look, I don’t know if Cynthia would make a good governor of New York. But I know she has been making a lot of sense when she talks about her policy positions. I mean, maybe the Unqualified Lesbian is onto something. So smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, kittens. Happy weekend, all.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Welcome, new week. Here is a reminder to please not fuck with us. Or, as you can see, we will fuck with you right back. Happy fucking Monday, kittens.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

After a nice, relaxing extended weekend nothing feels better than listening to a nice, relaxing jam by Janelle Monae. While her new video has an appalling lack of Tessa Thompson (which, fine, I guess the lady needs a break from all the Bisexual Lighting and Pynk worship sometimes), it has seven the Janelles to make up for it. And, the lyrics about liking your inner and outer weirdo are wonderful.

Also wonderful? These clip of Janelle and Lupita Nyong’o dancing to “Make Me Feel.” I mean, they’re enough to make Tessa jealous, no?

Having a bad day? Lupita Nyong’o & Janelle Monae dancing to “Make Me Feel” should help. pic.twitter.com/pCEjuXApWs

— Sesali (@BadFatBlackGirl) April 24, 2018

and then Janelle & Lupita had a dance party right in front of me. just a casual monday night. whatever. #DirtyComputerpic.twitter.com/ioJ5hDhg2q

— Franchesca Ramsey (@chescaleigh) April 24, 2018

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

My love for Constance Wu is well documented. Her portrayal of Jessica Huang on “Fresh Off the Boat” alone should make her a national treasure. But Constance is now a officially a triple threat. TV star (thanks to “Fresh Off the Boat”). Movie star (thanks to the upcoming release of “Crazy Rich Asians”). And lesbian heartthrob (thanks to the new indie film “The Feels”).

Now, someone could write an entire thesis on why it took 25 years between major Hollywood films about and featuring primarily Asian-American characters (the last being “The Joy Luck Club” in 1993 – NINETEEN NINETY-THREE). The trailer looks fun and Constance is joined by Nico Santos, who plays Mateo in my beloved “Superstore.” So yay on all fronts there.



Now, onto the lesbian stuff. I’ve been tracking “The Feels” for a bit now, since I learned Constance plays a gay lady in it. It finally became available to stream or buy and I checked it out last week. The plot is a group of friends gets together for a bachelorette weekend. And over the course of drinking and dropping molly they learn that one of the bachelorettes has never had an orgasm, which naturally is distressing to the other bachelorette (played by Constance).



It’s pretty process-y and a tad awkward at times (which, given the subject matter, makes sense). But otherwise well acted and, again, have I mentioned Constance Wu plays a gay lady?

In summation, you may begin (or hopefully continue) your Constance Wu worship now.

I have not seen “Disobedience” yet. But the studio’s marketing department has sent me like 30 emails about clips from the films. (Full disclosure: They also sent me a T-shirt.) So, um, I feel a little like I’ve seen it already. Like, I’m serious. Here are all of the clips.






And while I’m still quite excited to see this film (wariness about all the spitting business aside) one thing that has decidedly made me less excited is the big New York Times feature on Rachel Weisz from over the weekend. It’s everything we hate about straight, clueless writers trying to report on “hot lesbian sex.” No, really, there’s a line in the story that read:

“Baby news aside, the real reason I am below 14th Street is to discuss hot lesbian sex.”

Did Ms. Weisz do any research for the love scene with lesbian friends?

“Nooooo,” she said. “You can’t ever ask people how they have sex. (Sebastian Lelio, the director) storyboarded it, so it was all his idea to have just faces and spittle and wetness and the other woman’s face. He wasn’t interested in nudity. He was interested in one woman’s face in pleasure in the frame and the other woman outside the frame so you have to imagine where her fingers and tongue are and what’s going on.”

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Dear, sweet Lesbian Jesus, I hope you are watching “Killing Eve.” I am not kidding, as I would never take Lesbian Jesus’ name in vain, especially not about that most sacred of topics – excellent TV shows with complicated female leads and overt queer themes.

If you haven’t been watching (and, again, you should) here’s what you need to know. The new series on BBC America stars the always-stupendous Sandra Oh (which, come on, that alone should be enough reason for you to watch) as Eve Polastri, a normally desk-bound agent who is recruited into a clandestine MI6 team to help chase down a psychopathic assassin named Villanelle (played by the absolutely riveting and chilling Jodie Comer) who has been murdering people all across Europe.

The two women become – and stay with me because this might sound weird – but mutually obsessed with each other in a way that only women can become obsessed with each other. There is respect and curiosity and longing and a burning desire to know everything and anything about her life. Except one of these people is a cold-blooded serial killer who takes pleasure in watching to life drain from her victims’ eyes and the other is trying to stop said killer and the sad eyes thing.

The series also stars out actress Fiona Shaw as Eve’s stoic division chief who is heading up the team, if you were looking for some additional lesbo street cred.

Speaking of the queer stuff, Villanelle appears to have sex with men and women, but has started to pay special attention to women in particular after meeting Eve. I have no idea where it will take her same-sex desires as the series moves on, and that’s great. Because it’s so well done, I just want to come along for the ride. And, the best news is, it has already been renewed for a second season.

The show is fascinating and proof positive that there should be more layered leading roles for women opposite one another, period. This show, with men, would be just another cat-and-mouse catch the killer game. But when you switch the dynamic and allow two women to show the full complexity of their lives and minds and hearts and homicidal tendencies, it’s just fucking amazing television. It really, really is. I cannot wait for the next episode Sunday night. I really, really can’t. Happy weekend, all.

Drugs are bad, m’kay? I thought we’d start this week out with a blast, and crash through a plate-glass window, from the past. Here is Helen Hunt in the 1982 made-for-TV movie “Desperate Lives.” It was among the genre of after-school specials that warned about the dangers of pretty much anything and everything in the world. This one in particular was about drugs. Their opinion is that they are bad, very, very bad. The film featured perhaps the most iconic scene in all of after-school special history. In it Helen’s character jumps through a second-story glass window after her boyfriend pushes her into snorting some angel dust. Say what you will about the cheesiness of these kinds of movies, but I’ve never done angel dust. So, uh, I guess it worked.

p.s. To be honest, Helen Hunt’s entire early 80s career, from “Desperate Lives” to “Quarterback Princess” and “Girls Just Want to Have Fun,” deserves its own post. They’re all amazing in their own, very special 80s way.

Dammit, now I have to fly across country to New York to go see “Mean Girls” on Broadway and talk to very poster of the show I see randomly on the off change that My Fake TV/Movie Wife Tina Fey will be there and give me a great big hug. Hey, you have your dreams and I have mine. Happy May, kittens.

p.s. In my dream, we both fall on our own pant legs going in for the hug because, of course.
p.p.s. I am going to purposely start having my pants hemmed too long just for this purpose.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

After watching (seemingly) endless clips and enduring (seemingly) endless debates about what exactly sensual spitting entrails, I have now seen “Disobedience.” If you are looking for a fun or even remotely playful film (à la “Imagine Me & You” or “Saving Face”) this is not that lesbian movie. Nor is this the kind of lesbian movie that’s a gorgeous period piece with a sumptuous score, angels flung out of space, or Cate Blanchett (but alas, all movies without Cate Blanchett suffer from not having Cate Blanchett).

But if you are looking for something that explores, in depth, a strict, insular religion, which binds those in it together in unspoken and unquestioned ways, “Disobedience” is the movie for you. The film’s central triumvirate is Rachel Weisz’s free-spirited Ronit (who has left her small Orthodox Jewish community), Rachel McAdams’ Esti (who stayed behind) and Alessandro Nivola’s Dovid (who became the protégée of Ronit’s rabbi father and married Esti after she left). The trio were childhood friends, the history between them in palpable.

Now you could look at what transpires in “Disobedience,” when Ronit returns unexpectedly after her father’s death to the community she escaped to face the people she left behind, in one of two ways. One, it’s a fascinating look into a closed community that rarely invites outsiders in and whose deep faith dictates their every move. Or two, a claustrophobic look at what closed communities that rarely invite outsiders in and whose deep faith dictates their every move.

As a person who grew up in a non-religious household, I found the focus on this devout community and its rigid rules for nearly everything (touching someone of the opposite gender, women’s hair, fedora worship) to be stifling. But I can completely understand if you came from a similarly devout background that you would connect inherently to the film’s themes. The pressure and influence it can exert over, again, everything in a person’s life is very real. The search for something higher or more meaningful in life, whatever that may be, is nearly universal.

The acting is, unsurprisingly, superb. I’ll never understand why Rachel Weisz isn’t a bigger movie star. And Rachel McAdams, well she disappears (and I mean that in a good way) completely into Esti and her wig. You can feel Esti’s longing for Ronit down to the bone.

And now, onto that sex scene. I’ll admit, I did not enjoy the spitting – as relatively minor as it was. I understand, everyone has their kink and mean no kink shame. But it felt misplaced without some context. Are we supposed to believe this is something they did together when they were younger, perhaps even before their sexual relationship began? Probably, a lot is left unsaid and we are meant to fill in the gaps.

It should be noted that according to people who have read the book there is no spitting scene, which makes it read less like a childhood remembrance and more like something the director thought would be sexy. If it works for you, that’s cool.

The complex push-pull of obligation, desire and basic human decency are undeniably well done in “Disobedience.” But I couldn’t help feeling like I was watching in a room without enough air, but with plenty of windows just waiting to be opened. It’s a reminder of the things we will accept instead of true freedom and happiness.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Sorry, I mentioned the appalling lack of Cate Blanchett yesterday so of course today I have to remedy that immediately. Our favorite 1950s lesbian/Goddess of Death/elf queen/ Queen of England has been stepping up her suit and blazer game of late. Even among five of the other eight of “Oceans 8” she holds court. But then, we would never expect less.

Even while entirely casual, she looks amazing.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Or when looking studiously casual, still amazing.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

And, of course, she looks amazing being all glamorously casual.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

p.s. Her Han Solo vest game is also amazing – naturally.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

It’s been a week since Janelle Monae came out as bisexual/pansexual. A week in which nothing much changed, really. Our president is still a terrible human being. Corporations are still greedy, soulless entities that only worship money. And the internet is still mostly garbage saved only by small pockets of unspeakable wonder. But then, in other ways, everything changed.

Imagine, if you will, you’re a young queer person of color struggling with her, his or their sexuality. And then imagine the coolest, smoothest, suit-wearingest pop star in the entire stratosphere of stars comes out as bisexual/pansexual. And she makes music videos where she openly cavorts with women (and men) and writes an entire song about how fucking awesome vaginas are. And then she says that she is now a “free-ass motherfucker” after publicly coming out.

As she told Rolling Stone:

“I want young girls, young boys, nonbinary, gay, straight, queer people who are having a hard time dealing with their sexuality, dealing with feeling ostracized or bullied for just being their unique selves, to know that I see you.”

🎵We didn't start... 🎵 pic.twitter.com/e1kemOiQhs

— 282 days ago Trump promised 24-hr Hezbollah answer (@MattNegrin) April 26, 2018

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Another day, another tank top – and thank heavens for that. This week’s assortment showcases the versatility of the tank. From your tight plain-white tanks to flouncy thin tanks to overall tanks. Look, I don’t make the rules; it has two straps and bare arms. It’s not my fault the pants are attached – or denim.

p.s. If you aren’t watching “Killing Eve” you are missing the utter and impeccable brilliance of Sandra Oh. Also, I mentioned there’s gay stuff, right?

p.p.s. Have you read my opus on Autostraddle about why you should be completely, totally and irrevocably obsessed with “Killing Eve?”

Mary Lambert
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
You see, now this is what the classic white tank is a classic.

Tessa Thompson
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I want Tessa to star in everything I watch, and so far she’s doing pretty well. Thor, Annihilation, Westworld, every single Janelle Monae video.

Laura Linney
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I miss her. Good news I probably won’t have to for much longer. (More on that tomorrow.)

Constance Wu
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I don’t think I’ve recovered from the warm, tingly feeling of having seen Constance Wu in a lesbian movie. And I might never – which I’m perfectly fine with.

Katie McGrath
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Just because I stopped watching “Supergirl” doesn’t mean I’ve stopped shipping Super Corp.

Gal Gadot
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
The next Wonder Woman movie needs more tank tops. Just saying.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Hey, remember yesterday when I said it was exciting we were going to be seeing more of Laura Linney. Yeah, well, it’s pretty exciting to see a bunch of cool people like Laura, Ellen Page and Olympia Dukakis sign on for the new “Tales of the City” sequel. Adding to the excitement, the show is being helmed by out writer Lauren Morelli (most recently of “Orange Is the New Black,” where she met and married her lovely wife Samira Wiley), who will act as showrunner. I know, like I keep saying, exciting.

Netflix has picked up the 10-episode sequel that will see the return of Laura as the formerly naïve San Francisco newcomer Mary Ann and Olympia as the perennial quirky landlady Anna Madrigal of 28 Barbary Lane. In the new series, Page will play Mary Ann’s daughter, Shawna.

Now, if you know anything about the original books you’ll know they were a landmark in LGBTQ fiction and their subsequent TV miniseries in the 1990s were among some of the first positive representations of gay people on television. So we can only hope – and with at least two out stars in its cast and crew actually expect – that the new series will continue that out and proud tradition. In short, fuck yeah, this is gonna be hella gay.

p.s. Hey, I just realized both Lauren and Samira are now with shows that have “Tale” in them – “Tales of the City” and the “Handmaid’s Tale.” And both appear to be quite gay. Now that's what I call big queer kismet.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Move over, Therese. There’s a new lesbian in town. And she is making major heart eyes at your Carol Aird. This week Cate Blanchett and Kristen Stewart sent queer girl hearts aflutter around the globe by appearing together as members of the jury at the Cannes film festival. But how did we get here, to the point where millions of fan-fics have already been written about the two, glamorous, suit-wearing movie stars who met cute in the south of France? Well, allow me to give you an oral (ahem) history of the lesbian heart eyes picture heard around the world.

First, they meet. Kristen is playing it cool, or at least trying to.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Then, the light hits them both just right and a keen awareness of each other’s closeness dawns.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

They put on sunglasses to keep their interest in check from all the prying eyes.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

But, oh no, it’s not working. Shades cannot contain this radiating attraction.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

So they stop fighting it.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Later that night, Cate has already given Kristen a secret pet name.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Each time Cate uses, Kristen swoons immediately.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

And then they can’t help themselves again.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

So that, that’s how the Cate swallowed the KStew-nary.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Look, we’re flooded with fictional superheroes. Men in capes. Women in armor. Angry green dudes. Etc. But real-life superheroes, well, they seldom wear capes. Seldom, but not never. When Lena Waithe stepped out on the red carpet at the Met Gala, she cloaked herself in the biggest, gayest, brightest way possible. And it was amazing. More amazing still when you realize the theme for this year was “Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination” and actually sanction by the Vatican. So here we have this queer, out, proud black woman walking among all these other celebrities shrouded in the vestments of a religion that has long rejected us – and Lena walks out literally draped in her queerness. And, if you’ll notice, her rainbow flag includes black and brown stripes for maximum inclusivity. Yeah, now that’s pretty damn super. Thanks for being the hero we need. Happy weekend, all.

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.