First, they gave her a stutter. And made her shy. Then they said her stutter was fake. Then they made her goth…ish. Then they largely ignored her. Then they put her with the other Asian. Then they kept largely ignoring her. Then they did an episode where they joked about largely ignoring her. But she still was largely ignored. Then all the seniors finally graduated and it was going to be her time to shine. Then they made her a diva for a split second. Then they largely ignored her. Then they allowed her to sing lead on an Asian pop song. It ain’t easy being Jenna Ushkowitz. The artist otherwise known as Tina Cohen-Chang has been the perennial seat filler on “Glee.” Sure, she has moments to shine – and shine she did during them. “Tonight,” “True Colors,” “I Follow Rivers.” And then there was that hilarious time she was a vicious Asian vampire princess.
But here she is, in what we can only assume is her last full season on “Glee,” and instead of getting to finally take the spotlight she gets to play second fiddle again to Rachel, Puck, Finn & Quinn version 2.0s. And let me tell you, the younger generation pales in comparison. Like, Marley, get a clue – all of your regular clothes fit perfectly still. You were likeable for one episode when you wore that pageboy cap. But now your tired afterschool special eating disorder plotline makes me want to leave the room to make a sandwich and never come back. But back to the topic at hand. It would be nice for one of the very, very, very few Asian-American actresses playing main characters on primetime shows (hey there Sandra, Lucy, Maggie) to be more than glorified set dressing. But, alas, it seems not to be. Oh, and can we talk for a moment about making the one regular Asian cast member (now that “Other Asian” is gone) sing “Gangnam Style?” Sure, Jenna is Korean, but she was adopted by American parents when she was a few months old. So, um, no. Sigh. One day, Tina, one day your solo will come. Happy weekend, all.
My Weekend Crush
Closer to you
Is to so gay, too gay or just gay enough to post the new Tegan and Sara video on a Monday morning? Fuck it. You know why? Because it’s fabulous. The first time I heard this song I thought, oh, that’s good. But with each listen I become convinced that it’s not just good, not just great, but fucking fantastic. Like, I think this song may be the antidote to the Mondays. It’s deliriously catchy. And delightfully uplifting. Because not only does it make you want to tap your toes, it makes you actually feel lighter on them. Something about the delicious combination of a good hook and bouncy melody mixed with the intoxicating feeling of attraction makes you want to get, well, closer. Happy Monday, and I mean that sincerely.
p.s. Also, who can resist a good 80s middle school party vibe? No one, that’s goddamn who.
Naya night
In lieu of watching the upcoming episode of “Glee” – which to date I have received approximately 5 million emails and tweets about already because of the preview featuring that Brittany/Sam kiss – I have decided to just let Naya Rivera sing me in a sweet stupor instead. In the spirit of the season, I’ve also made peace with my loss of emotional investment in this show, what with the Version 2.0 Gleeks hogging all the spotlight in an apparent race to alternately annoy and bore me to death. But I am not and will never be bored of the sound of Naya singing to Brittany, me and/or the universe. So please, let the holly jolly take over you. And in self-imposed hiatus from that show I used to really look forward to, but now mostly half watch while I play Drop 7 on my iPhone, here is a little treat. Nothing soothes the savaged Brittana soul better than a gorgeous “Silent Night.” Bram sounds terrible anyway, like something you add to your morning cereal for fiber.
Help, I'm alive
OK, I admit it. I am pretty damn excited about the return of "Girls." Like super excited. Like super duper excited. Like eat cake on the beach at Coney Island excited. But with return subway fare and without a stolen purse. The funny thing about this show is I pretty much hated it at first. My notions were preconceived about youth and entitlement and angst. And they were pretty hard to like in the beginning. Also, come on, none of these New York kids is friends with a single people of color? Really? But, the thing is, for all of our artifices we tiny humans tend to be shockingly alike in ways large and small. And finding oneself, however long that takes, is pretty much something we all fumble through. The heady mix of bravado and confusion that somehow helps us stumble toward adulthood. It's exhilarating and excruciating to watch. And I pretty much love it. Because I too am an individual and I feel how I feel when I feel it and right now it's a Wednesday baby and I'm alive. But, thanks God I'm old enough now to know better than to wear a bright yellow mesh tank top. With age comes at least that much wisdom.
Sleeping Warrior awakens
This may be sacrilege, but I am going to discuss another ship on Gayzzoli day. Look, it's a big ocean. Plenty of room for all the ships. And sometimes they might even bump in the night. So, I'm finally all caught up on my "One Upon a Time." And I can honestly say I spent the entire last episode screaming, "KISS HER!" OK, maybe not the entire episode. But what seemed like the vast majority. The other half I spent going, "Wait, is Hook good now? Or bad? Or just there for the gay boys to have something pretty?" But every time Mulan and Aurora interacted? KISS HER! And when Emma and Regina finally reunited as Henry's two mommies? KISS HER! And when Regina didn't get invited to dinner but everyone damn else did? INVITE HER TO DINNER, THEN KISS HER! Now, I can't say I watch this show as religiously as other shows. Sometimes, like recently, two or three weeks stack up. But when I do watch it I certainly enjoy the fantasy and strong female characters. We just won't discuss some of the bad CGI. It'll be our little unspoken secret. That and how terrible at this whole acting thing the kid who plays Henry continues to be.
But, I digress. The reason I am really writing is to discuss what has to be the most unsubtextual subtext I've seen on TV this side of "Rizzoli & Isles." And instead of it being the way Lana Parrilla devours Jennifer Morrison with her eyes, it's every scene written between Mulan and Aurora. First, Aurora begs - yes, actually begs - Mulan to tie her up. Then Mulan promising to give Aurora back her heart. Then Mulan physically penetrating Aurora with said heart. And the dialogue before the heart scene:
Aurora: Have you done this before?
Mulan: No. [thrusts fist into Aurora]
Um. Yeah. I see what you did there, writers. I see. That's the least subtle lesbian sex metaphor since the time Willow and Tara did that spell where they literally drew an enormous "O" around themselves and then, um, achieved said O.
My Weekend Crush
I was going to write about "Glee" today. And I still plan to, oh yes, I still plan to. Because that, that was uncalled for. But instead I felt like writing about something nice today. And, clearly, it has been a long day. But today we celebrate the real expression of "love is love." And that is the first same-sex couples in Washington state to receive their marriage licenses. Aren't they lovely. Isn't it just all so lovely. Also, don't these two look like Betty DeGeneres' long-lost sisters? Next comes the Supreme Court. I'm equal parts excited and nervous about them hearing the Prop. 8 and DOMA cases. May liberty believe in the blind power of love. Happy weekend, all.
Not Grumpy, Just Monday
Please pardon the lack of a post this fine Monday. Moving was happening, which means writing was not. Please allow Grumpy Cat to turn that (internal) frown upside down. The external one is up to you.
Dumb ways to blog
Right, so once you hear this song you will not be able to stop humming it for about a month. And, it is also somewhat apropos, because I have unfortunately discovered that my own dumb way to die is to try to work full-time, move someone in, prepare for my mother's impending four - yes, FOUR - week visit and try to write a daily blog. Something has to give, and in this case it is unfortunately the latter. I will do my darndest to post on the regular, but they may not be the longest things you have ever read. But, damn it, if they won't be catchy.
Retta rolls
Funny, pointed and a reminder that if you aren't watching "Parks & Recreation" this season, you are missing the incomparable, classical-music loving Retta. And also some damn fine television.
Power of two
Well would you look at that. "Glee" doesn't ruin every lesbian thing it touches after all. "The Glee Project" contestant Dani Shay and Ali Stroker announced their relationship via a love song, or make that video, this week. Dani's new video for her single "One" features a mystery lady who turns out to be..drumroll, fellow "The Glee Project" contestant Ali. Ali confirmed the coupling on her official blog. Aw, that's pretty cute. Love and stuff. Shut up, I don't always have to be snarky just because it's my name.
p.s. Don't worry, I still intend to get plenty snarky with the actual "Glee" for, well, you know.
My Weekend Crushes
The Golden Globes and their nominations are, by and large, a joke. (No "Parks & Rec" and no "Mad Men?") But this year's hosts are pure, 100 percent golden. Happy weekend, all.
Vacation Vixens: Meryl & Hillary
Right, so after a week of weak-ass blogs, I am now going to leave you for a week of vacation. I know, I know. Bad blogger, bad. So I will kick off my week of Vacation Vixens with two awesome women who are even more awesome together. And considering their baseline solo awesome levels, that is no small feat. But here are Hillary and Meryl shooting not just an adorable selfie, but an adorable selfie for a good cause. Gah. Talk amongst yourselves. I need to sit down. A selfless selfie. Happy make the world a better place, Monday to you all. Hillary/Streep 2016.
Vacation Vixens: Lena & Piper
Vacation Vixens: Anna & Zoie
Vacation Vixens: Naya & Jumpsuit
I can't stop staring at those two, shiny, bouncing, glorious…cellos. Yeah, cellos. Definitely not the contents of that skin-tight black peekaboo jumpsuit. Just cellos. Or something.
Vacation Vixens: Helen & Jessica
Vacation Contemplation
Before all the merry, a moment to reflect on what we want as a nation. We want twenty children, all children, to be able to wake up Christmas morning safe in their beds. Let's demand a plan.
All I want is you, kittens
May the spirit of the season wash over you to the joyous strains of tiny toy instruments. Merry Christmas and happy whatever you celebrate.