Despite my better judgment, I am enjoying the shit out of “American Horror Story: Coven” so far this season. Like, really, I look forward to this insane locomotive of witchy-bitchy magnificence each week. It’s so unexpected because when “American Horror Story” first premiered two seasons ago I was like – No. All of the no. I’m a legendary chicken and have watched most horror movies from behind a pillow and if no pillow is available with my hands over my eyes.

Now I realize saying I like “American Horror Story: Coven” will make some folks angry. There are so many things not right about this show. Among them are Ryan Murphy’s depictions of women, Ryan Murphy’s depiction of a gang rape and Ryan Murphy’s depiction of the torture of (literally) faceless slaves.

If you want to get very angry at me because I continue to watch a Ryan Murphy show, that is your right. And if you want to get very angry at me because I continue to watch a show that featured a voyeuristic rape and graphic torture, that is your right. If you want to get very angry at me because I continue to watch a show that believes women’s main motivations are youth, boys and babies, that is your right. Also, one of the witches “powers” is she that has an honest-to-goodness killer vagina. I mean Jesus fucking Christ. I find so much of this show horrifically, horrifically problematic. I am not saying you should continue (or even start) to watch this show because of these problems. I am just saying why I choose to continue tune in. Those reasons are multi-fold. But if I had to enumerate them that would be 1) Jessica Lange, 2) Angela Bassett, 3) Kathy Bates, 4) Sarah Paulson and 5) Lily Rabe.



This is hands down the most impressive cast of female stars working together on TV today. There are certainly other shows with ridiculously talented and amazing actresses on TV. But I don’t think there is another show with the sheer volume of ridiculously talented and amazing actresses working together in one ensemble on the air right now.

And we have not even gotten to the younger generation which includes Taissa Farmiga, Emma Roberts, Gabourey Sidibe and Jamie Brewer. Oh, on, and I am waiting impatiently for the return of Frances Conroy.

These women are good. They are damn good. Getting to watch them act together is an absolute treat. That the material does not always live up to their talent is a damn shame. That the material sometimes is outrageously below them is an absolute crime. But what they do with the material they have is nothing short of miraculous.

But what “American Horror Story” Coven” gets right, it absolutely nails. There is real venom and humor and darkness and – believe it or not - campy fun in these stories. For all of its copious issues, this is also still almost exclusively a show about female power. And that, that’s something.

As always, I am in it for the ladies. And these ladies cast a damn fine spell. (Sorry, I had to. It’s a show about witches, people.)

Sometimes I find Wes Anderson films too twee. And sometimes I find them just the right amount of twee. From what I’ve seen of the new trailer for “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” I have high hopes for the latter. Lush colors, quirky characters, zany storylines and Tilda Swinton as a recently deceased amorous elderly heiress. Checking in? Yes, please.

I worked a 12-hour day yesterday. Apologies for the lack of posting. I was looking for serenity today. Hopefully, this helps you find some, too.

Kathy Bates is perhaps the only actress alive who could make you feel almost sorry for a racist. Almost. Her portrayal of the horrific Madame LaLaurie on “American Horror Story: Coven” is truly magnificent. Like the always supreme Jessica Lange, Kathy has fully embraced both the overtones of crazy camp and undertones of pitiful pathos that run through the twisted heart of all “American Horror Story” stories. She shows us the promise of this weekly mish-mash of gushing blood and broken taboos.

Oh course, I’ve loved her since the days she was a wee lass breaking ankles for fun and obsession. Kathy has always been exceptional, even when some of the work has been below her capabilities. And us gay ladies will keep a special place in our hearts for us because she was our on-screen surrogate in learning about the timeless love between Idgie and Ruth in “Fried Green Tomatoes.” That car ramming scene in the parking lot remains one of my all-time favorite moments to rewatch and bask in the empowerment. “Face it, girls. I’m older and I have more insurance.” Towanda!

Kathy was also predictably spectacular, and heartbreaking, as the lesbian political consultant for the thinly veiled Bill Clinton character in “Primary Colors. She absolutely stole the movie, as she steals most things she is in. And so she is doing the same in “American Horror Story: Coven.” This is no small feat considering her phenomenal roster of co-star.

Madame LaLaurie is a despicable character, made more so because she was a real-life monster from history who tortured her slaves in 1834. Yet Kathy makes her befuddlement upon waking up in 2013 to find her worst nightmares are real (i.e. a black President of the United States of America) almost sympathetic. Almost. We hate her, but damn if we don’t love to watch her. Plus nothing can top her hissing, “Liiiiiiiiiiiiiessss” at Jessica’s Fiona upon learning the news. Really, nothing. It was worth sitting through this week’s entire stomach-churning hour of mother-son incest, murder and minotaur sex. Happy weekend, all.

Have you picked out your Halloween costumes yet? Looks I expect to see at parties everywhere is lots of Miley Cyruses (white tank top, sledge hammer) and Macklemores (faux fur jacket, scooter). Their songs, and personalities, have been ubiquitous during the past year. So, they’re a natural zeitgeist-y outfit fix.

Now, I’ve publicly declared by love for both Macklemore’s “Same Love” and Miley’s “Wrecking Ball.” (The latter is harder to admit, still for all her tongue-out silliness that girl can really sing.) But I can always appreciate other artists’ takes on their work. In particular, I’m digging rapper Angel Haze’s covers of both songs.

The 22-year-old rapper is known for her raw and confessional work. She first made people sit up and take notice a year ago with her unabashed reworking of Eminem’s “Cleaning Out My Closet.” In it she discussed her sexual abuse at a young age. (You can hear the track here but be aware, Major Trigger Warning.) And if you think her attack on rape culture was a one-time thing, think again. Just last month she tore into the ridiculously offensive column by Washington Post’s resident troglodyte Richard Cohen who essentially said Miley’s twerking was the reason for the Steubenville rape. Yes, really, he did.

So you’ve gotta love Angel’s feminist feistiness. And you’ll only love more when you hear her powerful covers of “Wrecking Ball” and “Same Love.” The former allows you to enjoy a really good song without the mental image of a naked Miley literally riding a wrecking ball flashing through your head. And the latter allows you to enjoy a really good song without the nagging wish that an actual gay artist was performing the song. Angel labels herself, if she must, as pansexual.

So, please, enjoy. Happy Music Monday, all.

It seems every season or so for the last few years we get teased with the mythical unicorn of a lesbian-based comedy coming to broadcast television that we actually get to watch on television. First it was Carol Leifer’s gay lady pregnancy by ex-husband comedy “You Me And He” in 2009. It didn’t make it to our TVs. Then there was Jhoni Marchenko’s lesbian couple pregnancy comedy “I Hate That I Love You” for NBC in 2011. It didn’t make it to our TVs, even though the hilarious Anna Camp was cast in the pilot. And finally there was the lesbian-and-straight best friends lady comedy “My Best Friend Is a Lesbo” also for NBC in 2012. No word on if either becomes pregnant, but regardless it didn’t make it to our TVs.

During that same time we’ve had the gay male couple sitcom “The New Normal” (which made it to TV, but lasted only one season) and the gay male dad sitcom “Sean Saves the World” (which is still on TV, though rating aren’t terribly encouraging).

So into that historical framework we’re given yesterday’s news that Ellen DeGeneres and Liz Feldman are developing a lesbian and her straight male best friend pregnancy comedy for NBC. Yep, that’s a lesbian lady comedy from the last person to give us a lesbian lady comedy on TV. “Ellen” ended 15 years ago, in case you’re keeping score.

Now, I could go on a long and involved diatribe about why three out of the four gay* lady sitcoms involve gay lady pregnancy. (*Yep, I am using “gay” as an umbrella term to denote any female sexuality that is not exclusively straight. Ellen said, “Yep, I’m gay” on that Time magazine cover.) I suppose lesbian pregnancy just plays better to TV executives. Two ladies has to mean two times the maternal instinct, amirite? Oy. But pregnant or not, I’d just like one of them to actually make it to a television set near me.

Not to get our hopes up, but I think this one might actually have a shot. I mean it comes from The Great Panted One Ellen herself. And then there’s Liz Feldman form “2 Broke Girls” and her AfterEllen vlog “This Just Out With Liz Feldman.” Liz also used to write for Ellen on her talk show and other gigs. So, you know, that’s a pretty impressive lesbo street cred behind this project.

So, let us once again open our hearts to the dream of a lesbian sitcom on our television. Maybe, if we’re very lucky, this one will deliver. Sorry, with all the pregnant lesbians everywhere I just had to go there.

While the lesbian TV sitcom remains elusive, we’re come into a mini glut of indie arthouse lesbian movies. OK, glut is a little strong. More like three. “Concussion,” “Blue Is the Warmest Color” and now “Reaching for the Moon.” But three is better than two and one and definitely none. So I’ll take this tiny embarrassment of riches with a big bucket of popcorn.

Now I’ve written about “Concussion” and “BITWC,” but only recently happened upon the trailer for “Reaching for the Moon.” It’s the real-life love story between American poet Elizabeth Bishop and Brazilian architect Lota de Macedo Soares in the 1950s.



Gorgeous set pieces, gorgeous women, gorgeous backdrop and clickity-clackity typing on typewriters? Yes, yes. Please sign me up, yes. Also, Bishop is played by Miranda “I am no man!” Otto. The film has picked up awards at Outfest in LA and Frameline in San Francisco among other film festivals. It opens in New York Nov. 8 and L.A. Nov. 29. Wolfe Video picked up the rights, so expect it on streaming and VOD in the near future as well.

Right, so guess I’ll be seeing you at the movies, ladies. Who is bringing the Junior Mints?

p.s. I’ve finally watched al three hours of “Blue Is the Warmest Color” and in the midst of processing my Big Lesbian Feelings about the whole thing. Expect a review soon.

I love me some All Hallow’s Eve. But I do not love “Sexy” costume trend. Sexy nurse. Sexy cop. Sexy pizza. Yes, sexy pizza. I have no problem with women being sexy on Halloween. I have a big fucking problem with the commercial mandate that women’s costumes be sexy. So in case you’re one of those last-minute costume people, might I suggest this reclaiming of our sexiness. You might have to improvise with crepe paper and some pink throws. But with a little tape and imagination I have every faith that all of you can craft your very own sexy vagina this Halloween. Wait, what am I talking about. You have them already. Happy Halloween, kittens.

So today is my birthday (yes, yes, I know, thank you). So I’m going to take the release of the new “Lost Girl” Season 4 promo as special present just for me. Granted, I’m not above sharing. So, please, come in and enjoy. Just please don’t drip ice cream all over my floor.



You’re gonna want a closer look at that. [Click to enlarge, for science.]



p.s. The best thing, besides the copious Boobs O’Clock, is the unadulterated lust on Lauren’s face.


p.p.s. The second best thing is how Lauren is all, “No, wolf boy, don’t ruin this for us.”


Right, so that pretty much assures a happy weekend, all.

I don’t know about you, but I could use an extra day of rest. I’m recovering from a celebratory weekend. It was filled with great friends and much merriment. So today how about we all just lounge in the sun like Carrie Fisher and her stuntdouble on the set of “Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.” Sure, we all make fun of the gold bikini. But, damn, if it didn’t greatly improve the view.

So you’ve probably already seen this video. But if you haven’t, or you just like to rewatch ladies share loving kisses after winning gold medals, please enjoy. Or if you still have lingering warm fuzzy feelings about “The Cutting Edge,” but wish D.B. Sweeney stood for Danielle Bernard instead, this is the video for you. I’m still torn about what to do when the Sochi Olympics roll around. But I am not torn about how terrible the anti-LGBT laws in Russia are.

In a week when we had a victory in the Senate (vote coming on ENDA, though the House continues to be The Worst) and in Illinois (about to become No. 15 for marriage equality), we must not forget that the fight continues on all fronts and across all borders.

Aw, kids. I don’t want any. But sometimes when I hear them speak I feel a little less worried about our future. Sometimes not. But today, yes. Also, my favorite comment was, “Isn’t it dangerous to stand on a bus?”

p.s. This was posted less than a week ago and there’s already a small correction. Now there are 15 states (well, as soon as the Illinois governor signs the bill, which he will) with full marriage equality.

Joss Whedon likes us, he really likes us. If there was any doubt that Joss is The Man, here’s your answer. A lesbian character is coming to “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” That character is out Agent Victoria Hand played by out actress Saffron Burrows. Those familiar with the S.H.I.E.L.D./Avengers comics universe will recognize Hand as she’s apparently heavily involved in H.A.M.M.E.R., the agency that takes over S.H.I.E.L.D., and a nemesis of sorts for Nick Fury. (I don’t really know, I just trust my comic guru Heather on this one.)

Who I’m more familiar with is Saffron because a) Those Cheekbones and b) The Gay. The cheekbones need no further explanation other than silent admiration and adulation. The Gay part involves her being openly bisexual and having a longterm relationship in the past with fellow actress Fiona Shaw (that’s Aunt Petunia Dursley to you, probably).

If you’re still not familiar with Saffron she was in “Deep Blue Sea” and “Troy” and “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” for that one season Jeff Goldblum was on the show.



Now, I have no idea how many episodes Saffron and her Victoria Hand will appear in. And I have no idea if her character will even mention The Gay. But I’m always happy when a canon LGBT character is introduced to primetime television. So while I’m still not in love with S.H.I.E.L.D. (I’m just not in love with any of the characters – except for Melinda May), I’ll happily tune in next week to see Agent Victoria Hand do her thing. And that she looks like Saffron Burrows, well that doesn’t hurt one bit either. In Whedon we trust.

Holy lesbians wish fulfillment, Batman. Just when you think you’ve seen everything, lesbian universes collide in the best way possible and you thank the stars for these new and untold wonders. What the hell am I talking about? I’m talking about the epic meeting of Zoie Palmer and Lena Headey. Yes, lesbians – LUCE MET LAUREN. I’ve officially dubbed their character ship name Imagine Me & Hotpants. Though, if you want to ship Zoie and Lena themselves, might I suggest Zena? Yeah, I totally went there.

This, of course, only makes me more excited for the pending start of the new season of “Lost Girl” this Sunday. Now, if only we could get Lena to guest star. Make it happen, universe. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Apologies for not having My Weekend Crush up earlier. I had a small animal emergency.
p.p.s. Yes, I’ll have hot, fresh new “Lost Girl” recaps of Season 4 starting on Tuesday over at AfterEllen.

A lady and her dog. As much as I love Billie Holiday’s music, I never realized how much of a dog lover she was. That is until I stumbled upon a photo of her with her beloved boxer mix, Mister. And that led me to search for more photos and that led me to stories about the bond between Lady Day and her Mister. One of them is that when Bilie got out of federal prison in 1949 for narcotics possession, it was Mister who was waiting for her and greeted her so vigorously the press showed up to see what the commotion was. Heck, there's even a children’s book written about them.



So, as someone who has been worrying over a injured pup all weekend (and struggling mightily with how to get him to take his medication – “STOP RESISTING, IT’S GOOD FOR YOU!”) I can most certainly relate. Who is a good boy, who is, who is?

p.s. His medications are in liquid and I've tried putting it on wet food, dry food, bread with peanut butter, everything. But as soon as he smells it he won't touch the food. And he jerks too much to shoot it straight into his mouth (which is precisely what he shouldn't do because it is a spin injury). OMG, dog, I am trying to help you!

Happy “Lost Girl” recaps are back day! Well, happy hopefully for you. Sleep deprived for me. But in a good way, a very good way. So what better way to celebrate than with tank tops! So many tank tops. “Lost Girl” is back. The ladies of “Lost Girl” are back! The Boobs O’Clock of the ladies of “Lost Girl” are back! Life doesn’t succubus suck.

Anna Silk

Does she need a gun, wherever she is?

Emmanuelle Vaugier

More Morrigan this season. MOAR!

Ksenia Solo

So many Kenzism, so little time.

Rachel Skarsten

I bet she is just dealing with the insurance claim from her wrecked truck. Yeah, that’s what she is doing.

Zoie Palmer

Melting lesbians’ ice creams since 1977. Though, gurl, that hair.

A movie about love is always, in the end, about nothing and everything all at the same time. That apex emotion is as intangible as it is desired. You know it when you see it. Yet whether it lasts five minutes or forever, it leaves its indelible stain on your body.

So much has been written and said about “Blue Is the Warmest Color.”

Extraordinary. Exploitive. Passionate. Pretentious.

And much like the multi-faceted love, the movie is a bit of all these things. To break it down to its most base parts, this is a three-hour French film shot without a soundtrack or score that traces 10 years in the relationship between Adèle and Emma.

If that sounds like a journey you’re willing to commit to then come a little closer and let me pour you a cup of strong black coffee. If not, well, no harm no foul and please give a warm smile to the hostess as you leave.

The first thing you’ll need to know is this movie is French, so French. Nothing much happens in the framework of the narrative. No car crashes, no big explosions, no ninja attacks, no meet cutes, no unexpected twists, no artificial obstacles, no tidy endings. Nothing, that is, except for love. (Also lust, but we’ll get to that.)

The second thing you’ll need to know is regardless of the ongoing and equal parts troubling and tiresome “feud” between the actresses and the director and the graphic novel’s author, the movie ultimately lives or dies by its own merits. And in this case it lives – and breathes and cries and eats and fucks and smokes. A lot of all of those things, a lot.

The question of whether or not this is a good movie isn’t really the right question. That one is pretty easy – yes, this is a good movie. The question is whether you’ll enjoy this movie is much harder to answer.

I enjoyed this movie, but was not blown away by it in the rapturous terms that many mainstream critics have been. Perhaps the reason I don’t feel the “Oooh la la, isn’t this exceptional”-way that many (presumably straight) reviewers have is because it felt so much like real life. I don’t need to sit through a three-hour film about two women falling in love and experiencing heartbreak to tell me that a story about two women falling in love and experiencing heartbreak can be universal. Been there, you know.

There are exceptional qualities to this film including but not limited to the fact that these are 180-minutes exclusively about the emotional lives of two young women. Even more exceptional still are the performances by lead actresses Adèle Exarchopoulous (oft open-mouthed Adèle) and Léa Seydoux (initially blue-haired Emma) who are so natural and so vulnerable you lose all sense that a camera is following them. You’re just there, with them. Watching it all happen.

And when I say watching it all happen, I mean watching it ALL happen. The turn the camera on and see what happens cinéma vérité of it is inescapable. We get scene after scene of characters sitting down unremarkably for plate after plate of pasta, just as we get scenes of fully lit, uninhibited sex – the longest of which last about 6 minutes (just under 7 if you count the naked intertwined post-coital cool down). I counted for science – I am a professional, I’ll have you know.

Yes, all the eating (of food, mostly) is a metaphor for Adèle’s hunger. It’s her big brown eyes we watch most of this film through. As she goes from teenager to young woman, we see her search, find and lose that thing that finally satiates her appetite.

And speaking of appetite, how about those sex scenes? The initial one, the one getting the most press, is as far away from the standard American sex scene as you can get. This is no chaste clinch which fades to black only to reveal crumpled morning sheets, nor is it softcore sensationalism resembling horizontal calisthenics set to smooth jazz music.

I wasn’t bothered by the explicit sex, though some of it wasn’t necessarily typical of what I do in the bedroom area. (Seriously, what is everyone except actual lesbians’ obsession with scissoring?) And, yes, after a while I did think that perhaps we were watching the director’s sexual obsession instead of Adèle and Emma’s. Make no mistake, he’s a butt man.

Aside from the sex, another way this is atypical of your average movie was its presentation of the passage of time. This movie does not hold our hands when it comes to space and time. The central relationship runs from when Adele is in high school to her early 20s, but I only really know that because of the press notes and their slightly changing hairstyles. Like, at first Emma looks like a blue-haired punk and then later she looks like young Jon Bon Jovi.

In the end, I think “Blue Is the Warmest Color” is really about the mundanity of both love and heartbreak. Nothing happens, everything happens. We live and we breathe and we fuck and we eat spaghetti. C’est la vie, you know?

So, now that we’ve had a semi-intellectual discussion about “Blue Is the Warmest Color,” let’s talk about what we really want to talk about. The sex. Yes, it was long. Yes, it had unexpected ass play. Yes, it featured unrealistic reverse cowgirl scissoring. But you don’t have to trust me on this. Trust a bunch of other lesbians instead.

My favorite comment: “She also just ate all that spaghetti.” Yep, about right. About right.

I generally take a Garfieldsian view of Mondays. What with the hating them and all. But this fall they’ve been a little bit easier thanks to Nicole Beharie and her new show “Sleepy Hollow.” It has been the most pleasant surprise of the season by far. It really shouldn’t work at all. A time-travelling Ichabod Crane who teams with a modern-day police lieutenant in Sleepy Hollow to fight the forces of that seek to bring about the apocalypse? Yeah, OK, whatever you say, crazy person.

But not only does it work, it’s awesome. It’s fun and creepy and exciting, all at the same time in equal parts. And, in large part, it works so brilliantly because of the crackling chemistry between Nicole, who plays Lt. Abbie Mills, and Tom Mison, who plays Ichabod. Formal, out-of-time Ichabod and cool, collected Abbie just work so well together. It’s a little like Mulder and Scully, but with a lot more Revolutionary War references. Nicole, whose resume include “Shame” and “42” is a standout. She’s smart and sarcastic, just how I like my ladies. And, I’ve said it before and will happily say it again, it’s beyond welcome to have another woman of color headlining a primetime show. Yeah, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but hurry up, Monday. Happy weekend, all.

Maleficent has always been my favorite Disney villain. There is something so magnificently malevolent about her. She’s regal and terrifying. Plus, there are the horns. And, you know, her dragon. As an adult, it’s a little hard to admit that Sleeping Beauty was one of your favorite Disney princess film. From a feminist perspective it’s possibly the worst on the strong independent heroine scale. I mean, the girl sleeps through basically the whole story. It’s in the damn title. But I attribute my lingering affection to the story all to Maleficent. And now that Angelina Jolie will play her in alive-action retelling of Sleeping Beauty well. It’s OK to cheer for the bag guy sometimes, right? Heck, who needs magical powers to impress when you have cheekbones you can slice deli meat on.



p.s. I know I’m probably getting my hopes up. I was pretty unimpressed with “Snow White,” even though I loved Charlize Theron’s Evil Queen. But, dammit, if I don’t want to believe.